"Hope Ya Know We Had a Hard time" 6-16-2025

This week was one of the hardest, most revalatory weeks of my life. I share these things so we may all be edified for these are things that can only be learned under the most difficult of circumstances. I recognize a lot of us struggle and may feel similar things for we are all on this crazy path back home to our Heavenly Father. I often feel as sometimes I don't measure up and that when I fail(which is all the time this is life I mean come on) then it's evidence of my shortcomings and not being Good enough. I often compare myself with those around me to check my pulse and see how I am doing. It is not very healthy and something I definitely don't want to struggle with. These things result in self criticism which inspires me to do and be better which is way cool cause I can learn lots quick but it is sometimes not very Joyful and I lose Joy and Confidence in that moment. I often want things to go perfect all the time or else I put blame on myself when things go wrong which often results in me being dilligent and detail oriented which is cool but I can sometimes freak out about it for those who know me best. Needless to say there is opposition in all things and a vice to every Virtue. My mission President shared with me God's will for me.... His will for me is to fail and to be ok with it and to find Joy and confidence in it. Right now I am District training a huge district and the Elder I am with is an absolute stud I learn a lot from him and he loves the Gospel and serving others. My companion does not like the way me or this mission does missionary work. He does not like the area, preach my Gospel, or the phones we use daily for missionary work. He is extremely confident and has no fear of failure. He could care less what people think he is a skater who is totally OK being a wild man and breaking his legs it's crazy. It's been impossible to train him he does not like daily planning comp studys or anything of the sort. I say these things not to bash him but to gain an understanding of the scenario. Tuesday I felt tension all day and during comp study he was just on his phone not wanting to talk to me so I sat quietly and I received a whispering from the spirit... "There is nothing you can do, you have done your all" At that moment I just accepted it..I accepted my weaknesses, my shortcomings, "failure" and I had Joy and Confidence!! It was so wild I just decided to go out that day and not let anything disrupt me peace I went out joyfully and preached the Gospel. I did my best to connect with my companion and recognized I gave my all! That very next day I went on an exchange with an Elder who might just be the most charitable man ever and I love him. He helped me understand and remember that I am a good missionary and that I have given my all and that I do love my companion! We then had a Glorious companion study. This Elder loves everyone so much that he almost never gets the same love back and Satan attacks that and makes him feel of little worth and be depressed creating a vicious cycle. We talked and the spirit of revelation was so present We faith flipped to Alma 41:6-7... 6. If he hath repented of his sins, and desired righteousness until the end of his days, even so he shall be rewarded unto righteousness. 7. These are they that are redeemed of the Lord; yea, these are they that are taken out, that are delivered from that endless night of darkness; and thus they stand or fall; for behold, they are their own judges, whether to do good or do evil. God rewards us based on our desires not wether or not "we were good enough" His mercy is infinite and he will reward unto us righteousness as we desire he will work with us. He understands the difference between our weaknesses and our rebellions. God won't condemn us when we desire to do Good strive to repent his message to us is that we need not worry for he overcame and so will we through his plan. Joseph Smith, Nephi, Paul, and every single human on this earth has felt they don't measure up and desires to overcome their weaknesses, but each time they accepted it for his Grace is sufficient. Likewise we must also recognize our strengths and magnify them. We are often our own worst critics, but God's message is to accept his Grace and press on and endure with Joy. Satan's #1 Tactic is to attack our divinity and worth and does so through our weaknesses and short comings. That is not God's message to us Coming off this exchange I knew I was enough and wanted to unify with my companion and yoke ourselves together and it absolutely backfired. He did not desire that at the moment he didn't care to do missionary work with me and nothing changed, honestly it was bad so I called Elders I havnt been on exchange with yet and set up an emergency exchange. On the night of the Exchange I was beat absolutely defeated. I have been pretty tight in my back muscles most my mission from just working so hard and stressing on the occasion and wow this Elder gave me a massage and it hurt like crazy but was very much needed. He loved me and ministered to me in my Broken state. It was something I will never forget...He helped me learn more about hope and invited me to pray about it and recognize again I have and always will be giving my all. We had a great exchange and has some sacred moments. I was completed between things I could do to change and help me and my companion best. Headed into the next day nothing changed. My back started hurting again and I was losing hope again. Later that day we had a zone leadership council and I received the most powerful revelation. Right now the zone leaders and Sister Training leaders are being super dilligent in keeping missionaries in this zone accountable and it kinda back fires setting some missionaries off a tad bit. Our mission ironicly is focusing on Unity and consecration, but that's when it hit me.....Something I have been struggling with figuring out for a while and that is the difference between... "problem solvers and purpose finders" I felt the spirit so strong and my whole life changed I was given a greater capacity to express my love, to show compassion, and to be a Joyful light and example. The attributes of Leadership I have been struggling to develope came full focus and learned what it meant to truly lead with Inlfuence. The past 8 months of being a district leader and learning from my mission president all of it came full focus. I reminisced back to my last year of Highschool and how I lead with Inlfuence without realizing it and instilled purpose in others. My first area as a missionary being a JC not knowing anything or caring as much what anyone though just being a influence by being myself was powerful. Truly we are all leaders everyone who reads this email and we all can influence the world for Good. True love, leadership and christlike attributes are already in us. We just have to recognize our divine worth as Sons and Daughters of the Most high and truly internalize it and just be you! Your true self and you'd be amazed at the Good you can do. After receiving this crazy revelation my back stopped hurting my stress melted away and I realized that I just have to do missionary work, be an example and do everything until my comp wants to Join in and accept failure as an option. We had a great day we mowed our recent converts lawn, knocked a lot of Doors and got along. I took him to subway and did things that weren't super effective but he knows. Eventually Sunday comes and not much has changed I still had to do everything he didn't want to do much to unite on the missionary efforts until....That night at 8 o'clock he accepted the Sim card and wanted to take over!!! It was a miracle!! Obviously everything isn't perfect he thinks Iv been doing missionary work wrong and don't know how but that's ok! God knows the missionary I am and so do I! He's gonna take over this whole week and figure it all out and its gonna be Great! Clearly God has a plan and he has Given me a companion from the middle of no where to be in my path. D&C 122:9 Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever I love you all thank you for the Prayers and sending me emails I cherish them Shoutout to My Father and Father figures who lead with purpose and Influence Shoutout to Gus I love that man Love- Elder Williams (Stay Sweet)